Post-gym grumbles, part one of many, I'm sure

Legs killing me. Brain fried. So this will have to suffice - a list, in no particular order, of Gym Personality Types:

1. The pretty girls. You know who you are. You wear colour co-ordinated gym gear, the more lycra the better. You have an impossibly sleek and shiny ponytail. You put on makeup in the changing rooms before your workout. Men have been known to drop 25kg weights on their feet as you bounce past. We hate you, but secretly we wouldn't mind being you. Just for a day.

2. The lurkers. You sneak up behind me as I'm about to set up on a weights machine and maintain that "you were there first". I don't think so, lady... but you're about five inches taller than me and you could probably take me in a fight, so I'll let you go.

3. The yoga-ers. You lot are impossibly toned and bendy and you don't sweat and you look so relaxed as you float by on your way out of class. Are you on drugs, or is it really that life-altering? Please do enlighten me.

4. The bodybuilders. Gentlemen. Please note that while lifting 25kg weights does make you a hard man, to a degree, it won't have any lasting effects if you maintain the "one rep, then break for five minutes to admire self close up in mirror" routine you've got going on now.

5. The power platers. Many of you also fit into category 1. Do you really think that standing on a vibrating surface for 20 minutes at a time, while contorting yourself into position after position, will make you fitter? If you ain't sweating, it ain't working.

6. The dressing room naturists. I've encountered many, many more of you here in Amsterdam than anywhere else in the world. I'm really very pleased that you're so happy with your body, but after four laps of the changing rooms a la nip while chatting on the phone, I think we've all seen enough, don't you?

(For the record, I fall into the "baggy t-shirt, hair scrape back, red sweaty face, headphones in" category. The category 1-ers generally look at me like I've got the plague... but whatever, I'm there for the calorie burn. And the abs... someday the abs.)