Getting down to the nitty gritty

I've been so busy enjoying myself over the past week I've done exactly no work on the really important stuff I need to sort before I move. Instead, I've been drinking in the park, swing dancing in public and staying up until 2am arsing about on the internet. I think I've hit a second wave of denial about leaving. My friend Franco, recently repatriated to Toronto, said this to me earlier:

"You are really, really, really going to miss amsterdam. after i came back i would lie in bed and i could feel myself riding my bike along the canals. never had a connection like that with any city before."

I've also spent a fair bit of this week talking all things Amsterdam with another friend, who had a potential offer of a transfer to San Francisco and was going through actual physical distress at the thought of leaving here. It's made me think about the effect Amsterdam has on people - it's a kind of Neverland playground for expats where real world rules don't apply. No mortgages, no rat race, no real responsibility, no fixed plans. Spontaneity, relaxation and ridiculously short bike commutes are the order of the day. It's all so easy - who wouldn't want to stay forever?

Except, it's dawned on me over the past few months that there's more to life than easy. Being in a second stint of long distance with Oran hasn't been easy. Missing my family hasn't been easy. Growing apart from friends through a pure lack of proper catch up time hasn't been easy. And as much as I've settled in here, and as much as I'm slightly scared of settling in somewhere new, somewhere less utopic, I think the payoff makes it all worthwhile. Come three weeks from now, I may be crammed on a tram during rush hour instead of sauntering through the park on my bike, but, when it comes down to it, I will be home.